Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
