If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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