If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
