I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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