She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
