im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
