so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
