So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
