The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
