Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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