I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
