Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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