Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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