I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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