I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
