Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
