If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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