i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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