guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
