Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
