I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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