Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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