Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
