Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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