i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
