I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
