My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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