Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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