So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
