I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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