I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize