thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
