She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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