her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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