Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
