I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
