You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
