I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
