Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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