Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
