Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
