Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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