I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
