eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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