For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fill condoms, not promises.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
