If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
