we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize