then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
