i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
