literally had 100 drinks last night.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
