I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
