I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
