ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
