i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
