I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i out mim tonsoeep
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