Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Princesses don't give blow jobs
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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