woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
