There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
