hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
