theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
