They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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