new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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