Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
